John 6:67-68 is an interchange that came to my mind several times as I faced loss and the grief that followed it. “So Jesus said to the twelve, ‘Do you want to go away as well?’ Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life…’”
I remember thinking “Lord, to whom shall I go?”
I had to make choices. I had to take steps. I could not go back to my life before my loss. I could not stay where I was at the time of my loss. The question often visited me: “Lord, to whom shall I go?”
Turn to the Lord.
“Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.” Proverbs 20:1
One anecdote I’ve shared repeatedly is the dinner I shared with a young man who had served as an intern in our youth ministry. He and I met just a few weeks after my loss. At one point during our dinner he asked if I thought I might have a problem with alcohol.
“Lord, to whom shall I go?”
Loss and the grief to follow often causes men to stumble in one of many ways. Alcohol, if used to medicate your pain, will lead you astray. Alcohol, if chosen instead of turning to the Lord, will lead to disaster. Solomon describes wine as a mocker and strong drink as a brawler. This book of Proverbs is about facing life with wisdom. It can also help face loss with wisdom. Solomon emphatically warns that you can be led astray by wine and strong drink, and it is not wise.
Turn, instead, to the Lord.
“The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” Proverbs 20:7
If you turn to the Lord instead of strong drink or any other tempting option, you will walk in integrity through loss. I feared any misstep as I sought to walk by faith and not by sight. I maintained a healthy fear of making a mistake as I sought to honor God and Kim in the way I walked through grief.
Turn to the Lord in loss and you can be like the righteous who walks in the integrity of the Lord. It’s not your doing. It’s his doing. Choose to hide under his wings. The warning here is that it can be your undoing if you do not walk in the protection of his integrity.
And it can be the undoing of your children or any others who may be coming after you. You’ve not asked to stand on this stage. However, you’re an example now. You’re a grief mentor from here on out. Receive the Lord’s comfort and walk in integrity “…so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God (2 Corinthians 1:4).”
“Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war.” Proverbs 20:18
Turn to the Lord, yes, but turn to others also. If you’re to become an example to others, you can first look to other examples who’ve walked this journey ahead of you. You cannot stay where you were. You must grow through your pain. You must invest yourself in what counselors describe as “grief work.” Solomon would say to wage war by wise guidance. Seek counsel. I commend the work of GriefShare. They seek to bring groups of mourners together with trained guides to help you move from mourning to joy.
“A man’s steps are from the Lord; how then can man understand his way?” Proverbs 20:24
It’s difficult to make sense of loss. Even expected loss due to losing someone who has lived a full life and dies in old age is difficult. Even impending loss due to someone facing a long illness is difficult. Sudden and unexpected loss is especially difficult. It’s difficult to make sense of it all.
Ultimately, the providence and sovereignty of God leads you to embrace the mystery. How can man understand the Lord’s way? It’s mysterious. Walk carefully though grief. Faithfully walk the steps given to you by the Lord.
Turn to the Lord.
Read the E-book Facing Loss: Lessons of Hope from My Unwanted Journey