“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.” Proverbs 19:8
As you pore over Proverbs, this message of keeping understanding and discovering good is repeated. And repeated. It’s a dependable principle. Here, once again, is a lesson that is applicable to your grief journey. It’s for all of life—it’s not only for grief. However, a path of pain, loss, and grief marks a time in your story where you are vulnerable.
You need to care for your soul. You need to keep understanding. You need to get sense.
Seek good sense and you love your soul. Seek the kingdom. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Keep understanding and you discover good. It’s not an immediate discovery. This sort of getting good sense and keeping understanding is a discipline for a long unwanted journey.
“…a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14
Humor eventually returns after loss. Not at first. But eventually. After I remarried, I have bantered with other men that I have done twice what most men do only once. I married up and over my head twice. I married two wonderful and godly women.
Indeed, a prudent wife is from the Lord. My new wife, Amanda, is a woman who fears the Lord and is such a treasure to me. She is a precious gift from God.
I know I have received a gift that is not promised to everyone. Many men and women do not remarry following loss. This verse is not a promise for a second prudent wife. In the context of this proverb, it is more important to get sense, keep understanding, and seek after the kingdom than it is to seek after another relationship. Yet, if you’re a man who has faced loss, it is true you can celebrate how you were blessed with a prudent wife. For three years following my loss, I celebrated and thanked God for the gift I had lost. I remember celebrating that we had kept our vows. Kim was, indeed, a prudent wife who was faithful to me.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” Proverbs 19:20
Humility following loss is an appropriate posture to take. I found it more effective to listen and accept advice and instruction. The Bible spoke into my life. I have stated how The Psalms studied me or tested me. I have shared how I submitted myself to counsel from various sources. I commend this humble posture. It is an entirely appropriate response following loss. Listen to the advice of others, receive their instruction, and you can gain wisdom for your future.
Conversely, Proverbs 19:27 states, “Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.” The opposite is also true. Ignore instruction and you will stray away from knowledge. You will not keep understanding; you will lose understanding. The insinuation is that your future will be faced like that of a fool—no wisdom for your future.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21
The humble posture I sought led me to release control and submit to the purposes of the Lord. I eventually began to pray for his kingdom to come and his will to be done on earth—and in my life—as it is in heaven.
Nurture humility. Embrace your vulnerability and need. Face your loss and know that while we can make our plans the purpose of God will not be thwarted.
Get this sense—keep this understanding: his purpose will stand.
Read the E-book Facing Loss: Lessons of Hope from My Unwanted Journey