Proverbs 18—Do Not Isolate Yourself, but Turn to the Strong Tower

There is an important distinction between solitude and isolation. One is healthy and one leads to destruction.

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” Proverbs 18:1

Later in this same chapter—in Proverbs 18:12—a similar warning is delivered: “Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.” Isolation leans on your own strength—haughtiness—and leads to sure destruction. Humility is the required posture when it comes to facing loss in a healthy manner.

There is a time for solitude. It is healing and healthy. Isolation, on the other hand, is described here as “against all sound judgment.”

Isolation breeds loneliness. Solitude delivers intimacy.

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” Proverbs 18:10

Solitude leads you to run to the strong tower. Solitude leads you to run to the name of the Lord. S. D. Gordon contends in Quiet Talks on Prayer, “One must get alone to find out that he never is alone.” Solitude is a discipline for the righteous who need safety and health. In the pain of loss, run to the Lord. He is a strong tower.

“A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” Proverbs 18:14

Proverbs 15:13 explains that the sorrow of the heart crushes the spirit. I learned early on in my journey that I must not diminish the pain. I must not seek to explain the pain away. The wisest response I could make was to face my loss squarely. Ignore the pain and Proverbs 17:22 says your crushed spirit will dry up the bones.

A man’s spirit can endure sickness, but no man can bear a crushed spirit. In solitude, you are enthused with stamina and realize we are not intended to be self-sufficient. No man is an island. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” He saves us and we do not save ourselves.

Do not isolate yourself, but run to solitude with the Lord, your strong tower.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

If you’re on a journey of loss of a wife, you know more than anyone what you’ve lost. If you found a wife, you found a good thing, according to verse twenty-two. In fact, you recognize now what favor you had obtained.

Loss brings passages like this one to life as never before. In the wake of loss, you know more acutely the gift you’ve lost.

Shortly after my loss, I shared a challenge with men. I adjured them to love their wives as Christ loved the church. I spoke to numerous men about how pettiness can eat at their relationship. Pettiness fell away from my perspective, and I saw more clearly than ever I had been favored by the Lord with the gift of my wife. And I carried that perspective just over three years later into a new marriage. Once again, I have found a wife, a good thing, and I have obtained favor from the Lord.

“…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

Even the favor of a wife cannot save us from a crushed spirit. Only intimacy with the Lord can bring healing. And there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. As Robert Grant wrote in his hymn, “O Worship the King,” “Your mercies, how tender, how firm to the end, our Maker, Defender, Redeemer, and Friend!”

Only he is the friend who sticks close in solitude and brings healing to your crushed spirit in the pain of loss.