Loss forces you into a season of need. It matters where you turn for counsel on your grief journey. You will turn to someone, something, or somewhere.
It matters.
“The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly…Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:2, 22
It should be no surprise that it’s best to seek out wise counsel. Messages compete for your attention. Where do you turn? Be careful and turn to the wise. Fools pour out folly. The wise, on the other hand, do not tickle your ears. They speak truth into your life.
In the rearview mirror of my journey, I recommend finding many advisers. Verse twenty-two is about plans being made with and without counsel. While not exclusively about planning for journeys of recovery, the instruction applies to grief journeys. I sought out wise counsel. No one person can be your only guide. Their life has not stopped like yours has stopped. You cannot burden one person. Find several appropriate people with whom you might spend time. Consider professional and non-professional options. I found a steady stream of wise counselors extremely helpful and life-giving. My plans for healing succeeded.
“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.” Proverbs 15:3
It’s good to go to counselors and advisers. Don’t forget, however, that the Lord is in every place. He is Immanuel, the God who is with us. This truth changes everything. He is with us. His eyes are in every place. He is watching the evil and the good. His eyes are on everything and everywhere.
This news is both comforting and alarming. I am comforted and strengthened to know I am in his presence. I am alarmed to know every step I take can place me in either the evil camp or the good camp. I press into the intimacy of his presence and into the wisdom of wise counselors and advisers.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.” Proverbs 15:13
I shared with a grief group once that I had joy even in the depths of grief. One woman was shocked at my assertion. After continued discussion it was discovered she could not separate happiness and joy.
Gladness or happiness delivers a cheerful face. Naturally, our face shows our happiness. Likewise, sorrow or pain crushes our spirit. And yet, joy can be present. Happiness and crushing pain are based on circumstances.
Joy is based on position.
I am a child of God’s, and that does not change with circumstances. In Proverbs 15:30, in this same chapter, we are told, “The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones.” Good news, news that defines my position—as a child of God, brings joy and refreshment.
“Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 15:32-33
In the valley of loss, seek out many advisers. Do not ignore their instruction. Instead, listen to their reproof and be wise. Do not despise yourself.
Choose a heart that rejoices even in the depths when the spirit is crushed. Fearing the Lord instructs in wisdom. Choose humility—listen to advisers and the instruction of the Lord.
Read the E-book Facing Loss: Lessons of Hope from My Unwanted Journey
Good Morning D.Ray,
Thanks for this good advice today. I am a co-facilitator of a GriefShare group in our church. I have found that this is a good program for anyone in grief. It is a guide on the grief journey. We are in our fourth season and have ‘repeaters’ who are eager to continue in the group because they are in a room with folks who have common needs.
Great to hear from you RoseAnn. Yes, I took GriefShare and it was helpful. The shared experiences are so helpful. I am grateful you are co-leading a group.
I like the way you distinguish these differences: Happiness and crushing pain are based on circumstances. Joy is based on position. Would you say that joy is more of a choice?
Great advice about finding multiple advisors. Hopefully, your advisors were better than the ones who came to Job during his time of grief!
Yes, joy is a choice. Unhappiness is a result of loss, a circumstance. However, joy is possible even while unhappy. No one should ever expect someone to be happy about their loss. However, joy can accompany even the lowest of circumstances. Joy is based on an unchanging truth. We are Christ’s and that cannot be taken away from us. I can remain joyful even in pain.