“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame...” Romans 5:3-5 “Amen, Christopher!” I said it out loud as I sat weeping one day just over four months after Kim’s death. I had tuned in online to join with a brother and colleague, Mick Stockwell, as he and his family mourned their grandson’s tragic death. I was suffering with them, and I was enabled to suffer with them because of my own loss. Mick’s son and the father, Christopher, said he wanted to thank God for Bridger’s life, even though only two-and-a-half-years-old. And he thanked God that he was a suffering God. He read from Isaiah where God spoke of his Son to be crushed on our behalf. Amen, Christopher. Let that penetrate your heart, anew. “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5 Later, Mick read out of 2 Corinthians 4 and explained that we are not crushed. Even though we are hard-pressed, we are not crushed. I opened my Bible and read it again: “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed…” 2 Corinthians 4:8 Think about what it means to have a suffering God. He crushed His Son so that we are not crushed. I would have done anything and everything I could have done to avoid losing my wife, but God willingly sacrificed his own Son. We have a good and suffering God. And I was reminded that we are simply jars of clay in his hands. “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” 2 Corinthians 4:7 It’s a good reminder especially when facing loss: We are simple jars of clay, and we are empty without the treasure of God’s indwelling. We can press into the difficulties of life in his surpassing power. After all, he is in us, and he is being lived out. We faithfully walk through difficulties, and he shows up—he shines. Us, not so much. We’re just jars of clay. Fragile. We may and will be afflicted at times. Be it persecution or simply the losses that come in a fallen world. By faith we can declare that we are not crushed. Jars. Prone to affliction. Prone to being crushed. Yet uncrushed. For now, we walk victoriously in an afflicted world, but step back and think on eternity for a moment. Ponder this fact of faith anew. We will not be crushed. We will be restored. Jars of clay. Filled, enthused, and blessed with a treasure. Matthew reinforces, "...the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it" (Matthew 13:45-46). Everyday jars of clay are filled with an incomparable gift. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.” Romans 8:18-19

"So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.'" Genesis 16:13 The most significant intentional step I took was to travel alone to Acadia National Park, Bar Harbor, and Mount Desert Island in Maine. It would have been our thirty-sixth wedding anniversary, and Bar Harbor, Maine was the destination for our honeymoon. We had returned to Bar Harbor for our twentieth anniversary in 2003. I went to remember, and I went to honor and celebrate my marriage. I went to celebrate marriage itself. I went to take a significant step in my healing. As the time approached, I sensed God saying to me it was time to pull aside and get alone with him, as well. He would meet me there. My anticipation grew as the date came for me to fly to Bangor, Maine to begin my pilgrimage. My time in Bar Harbor was my most significant of the “firsts.” In a nutshell, I worshipped, hiked, and journaled. I was amazed and thrilled with the beauty of Acadia National Park. But the best of my pilgrimage was near the end of my trip. Even better than the tea and popovers . On my anniversary, I took two mountain hikes. The afternoon hike, my second of the day, took me up Gorham Mountain. As I approached the summit, I passed and greeted three young ladies who were cooling off under a tree. I asked if I was close to the summit, and they pointed out that I was a mere fifty feet from my goal. As I enjoyed the summit view and took pictures, I heard the three young ladies begin to sing an old chorus, He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands . Moments later, I turned to head back down the mountain. Since they were still under the tree, I sang out, “He’s got you and me sisters in his hands…” A conversation began. After establishing that we were Christians, one young lady named Brit told me she worked at a Christian school. I replied that I worked at a Christian mission agency. She asked which one. When I answered, her eyes widened. She knew my mission agency. She then quickly added, that she was the administrative assistant to the head of the mission department at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Then one of them asked if I was hiking alone, and I briefly shared about my anniversary pilgrimage. They asked if they could pray for me. And there on Gorham Mountain in Maine on Mount Desert Island, three believing young women ministered to me in prayer. El Roi. God sees me. He cares for me. I’m not alone. He is Immanuel, God with us. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” Psalm‬ ‭32:8‬ God wasn’t finished. The next morning, I awoke and had some time before I had to go to the airport that afternoon. After coffee and prayer, I hiked up to Bubble Rock. I enjoyed the beauty that morning looking out at Jordan Pond below. This was a pivotal moment. I had come to the end of my time in Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park. I would head down to my cottage, shower, have breakfast in Bar Harbor, and then head to the airport. I exhaled out a sense of accomplishment and completion. Then I turned with determination to end my mountaintop anniversary experience. I was finished. It was time to head home to continue facing loss. But God wasn’t quite finished. As I turned, a family was just ascending the peak of Bubble Rock. I saw the youngest son wearing a shirt that had Union University across the front. I commented on it, and a conversation ensued. They asked how I knew Union and I mentioned, once again, that I work for a mission agency. Our workers send children there for college, and we take graduates from the school and send them overseas. They asked which mission agency. When I told them, one son, Josh, asked if I knew the Laffertys. This couple, Todd and Susan, had just returned to Richmond as leaders. The oldest son continued, “Jonathan Lafferty is going to be my resident assistant and is going to live in the dorm room next to me next week.” I asked where this family was from and learned that they were from Grace Community Church in Nashville, Tennessee where Scott Patty, a respected leader, is the pastor. The father, Bill Kersey, shared that he was an elder at the church. Then, his wife, Lisa, asked if I was hiking alone. Once again, I shared that I was on an anniversary pilgrimage. Bill asked if he and his family could gather around me and pray for me. And right there at the top of Bubble Rock in Maine on Mount Desert Island in Acadia National Park a family ministered to me in prayer. Two days. Two mountain tops. Two prayers. El Roi. I see you. Miraculous. “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Ps 73:25-26

John Newton’s words from Amazing Grace have echoed through time and have reverberated in my heart throughout my journey: “Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come: 'tis grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.” Trevor, my son, and I sang Amazing Grace at Paige Plumblee’s wedding. Paige, my niece, lost her father, Scott, eight years before. Then we lost Kim. This verse was emotional as Trevor and I sang it. Scott and Kim were on our minds. However, we also had grace on our minds. Amazing grace. Mercy. Love. So, here’s an understatement: It turns out his grace, mercy, and love are tangible. You can stand firm upon those gifts. They are available in overflowing measure. Supporting. Underneath me. These gifts come with his very presence. The Lamentations 3 passage continues with this promise: “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” Lamentations 3:25 When you seek him and find him, you find all that you need for every situation in life—even the hard ones. Dennis L. Jernigan writes these words in his song, You are My All in All : “Seeking You as a precious jewel, Lord, to give up, I’d be a fool; You are my all in all.” You and I need to seek him in every good and difficult situation. “I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.” Psalm 116:1-2 It’s a humbling and powerful experience to need grace and mercy and to find that it is there every moment you need. It’s as if you can reach out and take hold of it. And then add his steadfast love to the mix. “We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 One morning, I was worshipping and sang an old hymn again. It was an important hymn to me when I was a worship leader for a short time in my ministry. O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus is a powerful hymn. Speaking of steadfast love, this song breathes the love of Jesus. “O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free! Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me! Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love. Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!" If he loves, I should love. If he promises grace, and mercy, I should trust and walk faithfully in his gifts to me. If he is faithful by nature, I should embrace that nature by trusting him. He is love, and his love is underneath me, upholding me. "So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." 1 John 4:16 I press into and trust his love. I should befriend faithfulness. He is worthy of my trust because he gives grace, mercy, and love as I face my loss. “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.” Psalms 37:3

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