“Jesus wept.” John 11:35 I was comforted by the story of the death of Lazarus. The story teaches us that an individual life is not important enough to stop Jesus from doing the work he’s doing. But it also teaches us that an individual life is important to the one who created that life. It’s a paradox. As for humility and keeping perspective, Jesus carried on with his work and did not immediately drop everything to go to prevent the death of Lazarus. Lazarus was important—but not that important. A lesson here for me is to keep perspective. The world does not revolve around me. Jesus does not exist to serve me—as if he’s my servant. He loves me, but I should never expect that he exists to attend to my every whim, especially as I define my needs. He is not to center on me; I am to center on him. I’m not even to place myself as central among other people. I’m reminded of the instruction concerning humility found in Philippians. Paul instructs us: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4 So, the world does not revolve around us like it did not revolve around Lazarus. However, our Creator loves us. While he has a much bigger picture with a fuller perspective he is still touched by pain and loss. Have you ever stopped to consider that Jesus’ delay gave time for Lazarus to die? But, he knew he could raise Lazarus from his tomb of death. It’s almost as if we think Jesus doesn’t feel the pain. He knows too much. Sure, Lazarus will die. But, I will raise him again. It’s all in a day’s work in being God. But don’t miss that while Jesus knew he could and would raise Lazarus he still wept over his personal loss . One of the most well-known verses in the Bible is John 11:35: “Jesus wept.” The ironic thing about this scene is that weeping is often associated with the loss of control over any given situation. I cried at the loss of my wife, in part, because I knew this new reality was out of my control. I had to adjust to my loss. I grieved a loss I could not change. But, Jesus wept even though he knew he could and would reverse the loss. He wept because he saw the pain of Mary and Martha. He wept because his friend, Lazarus, had experienced death. He wept because he was fully human. That’s a captivating realization! He wept because sin was having its way in the world. Man is fallen, and the plight of humanity touched Jesus. The story of the loss of Lazarus reminds us of the full humanity of Jesus. While he is fully God, he can sympathize with us in our humanity. “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:14-15

People mean well. However, they often say things that should be kept to themselves. Now to be fair, I did not have anyone say anything of the sort to me. Nothing out of line. My experience was so shocking, unexpected, and unimaginable that most people said either nothing or my favorite, “I can’t imagine.” My quick reply was always, “Neither could I.” However, when you're thrust into loss you hear stories about the various statements people make. The point here is that people try to make something bad seem better. People just want to help. They also try to protect God’s reputation, as if death takes him by surprise. As if death makes him seem out of control. As if God needs an emissary to come to his aid and reframe the current loss you face. Help God and help you at the same time. To make it worse, even I wanted to make it better. I wanted to make sense of it all. However, I found myself settling in on a very important realization: I should face this tragedy head on, and I should not sugarcoat my loss. “Then Job answered and said: ‘Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning.’” Job 23:1-2 I learned that loss was going to come at me from every direction. Loss is multi-faceted, multi-dimensional, and multi-layered. Relentless. It’s not a respecter of the clock or calendar. It’s not a respecter of persons. Contrary to subtle feelings beneath the surface, unspoken, I am not immune to loss. No one is immune. So, don’t sugarcoat loss. I appreciate the raw authenticity of Steven Curtis Chapman in a song he wrote about loss. “But right now, if we're all honest, we don't like God's higher ways; but we are trusting Him ‘cause what else can we do?” Steven Curtis Chapman, Michael and Maria It’s healthier to clearly identify your loss for the loss that it is. Face it. Sugarcoating it, or trying to downplay or diminish it, will only give rise to emotional infection and a delay in your hoped-for healing. It's just not healthy to sidestep loss. There's nothing admirable about being a person who can endure pain or hardship without acknowledging the impact of the loss. How do we come to such unfeeling conclusions? “Somehow stoic conclusions are fashioned from a most unstoic truth about a most unstoic God!” David Powlison As Mark Vroegop contends in Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy , “...restoration doesn’t come to those who live in denial.” Denial, often a normal part of grief, must be addressed by facing loss and walking the long journey beyond denial. Don’t sugarcoat loss. “Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.” Psalm 55:17 “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:7-8

“Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:7 I was reminded of our overarching redemptive story and an earlier event about Moses in Exodus 14:13. Moses is leading the people, and he is up against the proverbial wall. The Israelites are being afflicted. Moses was confident in the face of suffering. In this affliction, he knew he would not experience a crushing blow. Moses proclaims to them: “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today.” Exodus 14:13 They were hemmed in by the Red Sea with the Egyptians bearing down on them. And Moses is optimistic. Is Moses naïve? The Israelites are not buying his optimism. In fact, right before Moses tells them to stand firm and predicts that they will see God’s salvation, the people brazenly ask him a searing question. “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Exodus 14:11 It’s actually humorous and helps you have a little sympathy for any pastor or leader you’ve ever met. Followers tend to whine and complain. Godly leaders lead. Decisions are made that affect followers. But followers tend to embrace sight, and their scope of visibility is only what is right in front of them. Leaders seek to stand by faith and perceive an eternal perspective. I’m learning to stand by faith. I have used the word “recipient” to describe my experience through loss. I am receiving support. I think of the word “observer,” too. I’m standing firm and watching God orchestrate circumstances and chance meetings. If you are facing loss, then be faithful to observe with a watchful eye, receive the ministry of God and his people, and stand firm as he weaves this journey together before you. By faith, we need to remember that we are not alone. Our God suffered for us. He proved that he can be trusted for our eternal safekeeping. “Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.” Hebrews 5:8 Our God is a suffering God. Matthew 26:38 states, “Then he said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.’” He suffered, and apparently—from the rest of this story—he suffered without his disciples’ support since they did not watch or remain with him. “Did e’er such love and sorrow meet...” Isaac Watts, When I Survey the Wondrous Cross Jesus learned obedience through suffering. If I stand faithful in suffering, what will I learn? Maybe I’ll learn more obedience. Maybe my suffering produced by loss will give way to maturity. As Mark Vroegop writes, “The sorrow of a loss can lead us to the man of sorrows because Jesus is the answer to the cause of every pain." Maybe I’ll grow in Christlikeness. Most assuredly, I am not immune from suffering. But I do have a choice about what I believe about suffering. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 Jesus suffered on our account. If I am determined to walk with him and be like him, I must seek to learn from my suffering, decide not to waste my pain, and comfort others. Our God is a suffering God and a God of sorrows, and he sent us a Comforter. Charles H. Spurgeon has said, “God's people have always in their worst condition found out the best of their God.” I agree. Ours is a God of sorrows who shares abundant comfort. “For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too...” 2 Corinthians 1:5 "He took my sins and my sorrows, he made them his very own." Charles H. Gabriel, I Stand Amazed in the Presence

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