Proverbs 12—Turn to Wise Counselors and Avoid Rash Words

We were created with instincts such as fight or flight. When an emergency strikes, we either fight or fly. Adrenalin kicks in. If danger is pressing in on us, we seek to escape. Or if we are attacked, we turn and fight for survival.

“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” Proverbs 12:1

One of my early responses to loss was to recognize my back was up against a proverbial wall, and I was in a vulnerable condition. In a fight or flight moment, I turned to discipline. I became vigilant with several aspects in my new lot in life. I took time to process my loss in the morning with the Bible, prayer, reading books on grief, music, and exercise. I planned for important dates to honor my wife and the mother of my children.

When I read Proverbs 12:1, I realized that I had responded by loving discipline. I realize now that these steps I took to discipline my response revealed my love of knowledge. I was seeking to be wise. Additionally, I asked people to monitor my response. I had men and my children walking with me. I sought their input.

If you do not love discipline or knowledge and you hate reproof, it follows that you are stupid. I didn’t say that; Proverbs 12:1 says so.

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband…” Proverbs 12:4

Initially, loss can turn you to a posture of self-focus. You’re the victim. This is about you. You’re the center of attention. Sure, the person you lost has lost their own life. You mourn all of it. But you’re the one who has lost the most.

And it makes sense. You’ve lost a part of your identity. And there’s good reason. A wife is the crown of her husband.

You’ve lost your crown. You’ve lost your title as a husband. You feel out of place now. Life is vastly different. I remember several cascading realizations. I was no longer a husband. I was a widower. I was alone.

I had lost my crown. And I learned it is better to face this new reality rather than to ignore it.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

If there ever was a time to be wise and listen to advice, it is when you’re walking the valley of the shadow of death. This is not the time to bow your back, trust your own thoughts, or walk in your own way that seems right to you. Proverbs 16:5 is not alone in this warning, but it proclaims, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

Loss is a time to listen to advice and not trust your own eyes.

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18

Loss is also a time to surround yourself with wise counselors. This is a time to avoid Job’s friends who have rash words that resemble the thrusts of a sword.

Seek out wise counselors who share words that bring healing.

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” Proverbs 12:25

Wise friends and counselors deliver good words. These good and healing words address the anxiety, the injury, the confusion, and the pain in your heart. Face your loss squarely. Do not diminish the pain you face. The impact, the anxiety, is real. Loss takes time to heal in the same way an amputation takes time to heal.

Loss is a time to recognize your serious injury and to turn to wisdom and wise counsel.