Wisdom Speaks in Proverbs 31 About Destructive Women and Excellent Wives

The book of Proverbs persistently addresses purity, primarily for men. Of course, purity is for both men and women; however, these proverbs are clearly addressing the issue for boys and men.

She, wisdom, seeks an answer from these boys and men and gives them a warning.

“What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.” Proverbs 31:2-3

Wisdom’s posture is one of alarm. I can hear my own mother asking, “What are you doing?” with an incredulous tone. Wisdom repeats the same question three times. And then, she warns of the cost. When you give your strength to women, you will be destroyed by what is able to destroy kings.

And the contrast cannot be more striking. Giving yourself to women who destroy is contrasted with an excellent wife.

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

The worth of an excellent wife is beyond the value of jewels. Contrasted to the woman who destroys, an excellent wife is trusted by the heart of a husband, and he only gains. She is pleasant to his bones. She does him good; she does no harm. She is an excellent wife all the days of her life.

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26

This book of Proverbs is about wisdom. An excellent wife opens her mouth and wisdom flows out. An excellent wife is selfless and kindness flows from her life. Further, the teaching of kindness flows from her lips. It is expected that her family will listen and learn.

A wise man listens to such a woman of wisdom. Again, the husband’s heart trusts in her because of her worth—more precious than jewels—and because of her wisdom and kindness that flows from her life and mouth.

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

The life of a woman who gives herself to fearing the Lord ahead of seeking charm and beauty alone is breathtaking. To be clear, charm itself is deceitful. The meaning of deceitful is evident. Trust in your charm and you deceive or delude yourself.

Further, Solomon says that beauty is vain. Vain means to have or show a high opinion of one’s own appearance, abilities, or worth. Another meaning refers to producing no results or uselessness. Both definitions are appropriate here. Your physical beauty is useless if you trust in it ahead of the fear of God.

These two—charm and beauty—are not evil except when they are trusted over the fear of the Lord. Charm will deceive you out of the kingdom. It can usurp your loyalties. Beauty is useless. Jesus’ rebuke of the Pharisees reveals why beauty is vain. “Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness” (Luke 11:39). The outside can look wonderful, but it’s the inside that matters.

Both men and women who have lost a spouse face the prospect or the question concerning remarriage. So, while this is a lesson for the man about an excellent wife, the lesson herein applies to both men and women.

My first wife, Kim, did me good and did not do me harm. She was an excellent wife. She was marked by this Proverbs 31 chapter. Additionally, I was blessed over three years after my loss with the gift of Amanda, an unexpected gift. Also, I recognize that healing from grief does not always include a second marriage. But with Amanda I found an excellent wife, also. While she is charming and beautiful, ultimately, she is a woman who fears the Lord.

These two women in my life stand in stark contrast to the destructive woman spoken of earlier in this chapter. They are both illustrations of what wisdom knows. There’s a vast difference between an excellent wife and a destructive woman.

Yet another lesson from Proverbs for those facing loss, wisdom leads you away from destructive women and toward an excellent wife.