The Obvious, Foremost Problem with Loss

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” Genesis 2:18

God gave Adam a gift. If you’ve been blessed to know the love of a woman you know what I mean. God gave Eve to Adam, and he kept on giving the gift of marital love from that point forward. I cannot speak for women, but hopefully this gift of companionship is equally a gift to them.

I’ll not speak for all men or for any women. I’ll speak for myself. God gave me a gift when he gave me Kim. She lived up to the Proverbs 31 woman.

“She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

Kim did good to me, and she did not do harm to me. She faithfully lived in our union all the days of her life just as she promised she would do. And this beautiful love was in keeping with God’s design for selflessness in marriage.

God designed that men should leave their fathers and mothers. God intended for men to hold fast to their wives and that their union would create one flesh. Further, men are to love their wives as they love themselves.

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. … However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:31, 33

God created a scenario that is mutually beneficial. Selflessness in marriage feeds the union—it keeps growing. A husband loves his wife and she respects her husband. Don’t read this as he loves her only and she respects him only. Spouses love each other. Spouses respect each other. I know I respected Kim.

This creative and beautiful design called marriage is at the foundation of the problem with loss. Marriage, as designed by God, is blissful union. It’s attractive. It’s idyllic. It’s comforting. It’s rewarding. It’s stretching. He said it’s not good to be alone. If you want a big laugh go back to a post about my first Sunday back at church a month after Kim’s death. My pastor, who was working through Genesis, came to this clear and unmistakable lesson. Genesis 2:18 is profoundly correct. It’s simply not good for man to be alone. Let’s just say the message was awkward. But, it is so very true. Clear. Unmistakable. Spot on. Because marital love is intended as a blessing. Separation is tearing into two. Marriage was to be oneness. One flesh. Not alone.

“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6

To delve in further to the problem with loss, no one was to ever separate a husband from his wife nor a wife from her husband. Emphatically, one translation states that a marriage is never to be torn asunder. One flesh ripped apart. Painful separation. Tearing.

It is without question the foremost problem with loss. Obvious. What was brought together and grew together was ended abruptly.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

Note: I am entering a new marriage later this month revealing I am not afraid of this obvious, foremost problem with loss. Blissful union is worth the risk of loss. I praise God for Amanda and our upcoming union.