A Word Fitly Spoken in Proverbs 25

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Proverbs 25:11

Loss is a time for awkward moments. It’s difficult to know what to say. The visitation line is, oftentimes, that moment you first see the mourner after their loss. The awkwardness of the moment gives birth to awkward comments by many comforters. It’s important not to be like Job’s friends who did not represent God well at all. They are more like clouds and wind without rain (verse 14). They boast of a gift, but they do not deliver.

Over the days, weeks, and months following loss, it’s important to have wise counselors. If you’re the one in grief, listen well but listen with discernment. Not everything you hear will be worthy to receive as good counsel. However, a word fitly spoken is priceless. It is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. A word fitly spoken is like a gold ring or a gold ornament—it is a wise reprover (verse 12). To reprove is to correct. You should be a listening ear for the wisdom to come. A word fitly spoken is refreshing. Solomon compares a fitly spoken word to a snowfall at the time of harvest. He calls that fitly spoken word a faithful messenger (verse 13).

A word fitly spoken is a gift to one who is grieving.

“Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.” Proverbs 25:20

To carry the conversation even further, Solomon contrasts the word fitly spoken with someone who sings to a heavy heart. Anytime you seek to keep someone from mourning sadly you usurp the grief process. Singing joyfully to a heavy heart is like taking off a garment on a cold day. There’s a shocking and unpleasant jolt you feel. It’s distasteful like vinegar on soda.

Instead, say very little and do not sing at all. Allow a sufferer to feel the pain. I found that pain had a good part to play. I needed the pain to heal the injury. To sidestep the pain or diminish my loss was not healthy.

Our modern minds have determined loss should be hidden and avoided. We deem it necessary to quickly sidestep or diminish the loss. We prefer not to speak about it. My blog, Facing Loss: Lessons of Hope from My Unwanted Journey, was a response to the problem of grief and secrecy. I decided I should talk about this taboo topic. I found it healthy for myself and for others who have followed my journey. Our interactions have been an opportunity to acknowledge pain in the context of hope.

“Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.” Proverbs 25:25

Acknowledging the pain in the context of hope gives place for the good news of the gospel. Good news from a far country is refreshing like cold water is to a thirsty soul. The mix of honesty and hope revive your soul. Yes, face your loss but give room for healing. Good news—gospel hope—brings refreshment to you in your grief. Brokenness has met its match in the good news of the gospel.

Words fitly spoken are refreshing. And there’s nothing more refreshing than gospel hope. Good news is available to you, especially in your grief. Receive the good news as cold water to a thirsty and parched soul.